My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
