I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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