look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
