So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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