I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Michael Bay diarrhea
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
