i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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