so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
