Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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