Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
