so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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