Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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