I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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