omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
