i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
