i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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