i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
