Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
