Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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