i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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