I showed him my bush... on skype.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
