So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
