Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Even my vagina gasped.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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