it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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