I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
