you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is it penis luge time yet?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
