census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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