Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
