i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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