you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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