He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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