I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
