I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
