would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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