Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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