I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
