problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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