i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
