I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
