I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
