hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
