You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
