Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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