my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
