you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
