do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
