Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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