You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
