I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
