I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
