You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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