Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
