Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
