As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
