I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
