3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
