I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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