Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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