Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
